Take Me to the Zoo
by Prisoner Len
Summary: A bunch of oneshots that I feel are too short to be uploaded alone. Multiple pairings, but probably mainly ASGCZ.
1. What's a Rugrat?

**Every so often, I type up something that I feel is way too short to actually be uploaded as a oneshot. So then they just sit on my laptop and never get read. And then I end up just deleting them. And then I feel bad.**

**So I'll put them here when I remember to/write them/don't delete them. Probably a lot of ASGZC.**

**The title has basically absolutely nothing to do with the stories. I just like zoos. They're awesome.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>What's a Rugrat?<strong>

**- ASGZC -  
><strong>

"…What are you doing?"

A simple question that should certainly have a simple answer. One would normally reply, and say what they were doing, sometimes with a slight hint of sarcasm. Or, if you were Genesis, you'd laugh at whoever asked, and merely snap back "What the hell does it _look_ like?". Zack would tell you a long-winded story about something seemingly unrelated (though it was known by now that it was always somehow related), finally ending with "and _that_'s why I'm doing this". Angeal would be completely honest; he'd take a deep breath, tell you, and then wait patiently for you to comment.

Cloud was used to asking Zack, Genesis, and Angeal that question—Zack on a daily basis. When he woke up on a rainy Saturday morning and made his way half-asleep into the bathroom to take a shower and brush his teeth, he expected to maybe see one of his other four lovers doing what they did best—hog the damn shower. Surprisingly, nobody was in the bathroom. So he happily bathed, brushed his teeth, got dressed, and ventured into the living room.

Which was where he found Sephiroth standing on the coffee table in front of the large leather couch, clad in a pair of black boxers and glaring at the beige carpet-covered floor through his reading glasses, cat-like eyes narrowed in concentration, Cloud's first reaction was to stop short on his trip to the kitchen. He then stood there and just _stared_ for a few long moments, face twisted in confusion. He glanced down the hallway, then leaned forward and peeked into the kitchen. No sign of his other three lovers.

And then he asked, "…What are you doing?"

And just like that, Sephiroth turned a tad bit too quickly to look at Cloud and slid off of the coffee table, slamming the back of his head into the TV stand and tumbling to the floor. He lay there quietly, and Cloud thought that he'd seriously been hurt, but before the blonde could even take a step forward, he was pushing himself into a sitting position and rubbing the side of his head. Bright, cat-like, neon-green eyes turned slowly to the blonde and blinked at him.

"Good morning, Cloud." Sephiroth called in a singsong voice, giving the teen a half-smile. "Did you sleep well?"

"…Yeah." Cloud answered slowly. "Why were you on the table?"

"Well," Sephiroth started. "This morning when I was in the kitchen, Zackary shouted 'Angeal, I can't find it!'. I asked what he was looking for, and he said rug rats." He gestured to the rug beneath him. "He was not able to find them before he left, so I am looking for them. I do not like rodents."

Cloud cocked an eyebrow. Rug rats? What the hell was a—_Oh_. "I think Zack was talking about a cartoon. There's one called 'Rugrats'."

The General blinked at him, then his mouth formed a quiet "oh". He climbed to his feet, rubbed his rugburned knees, and stretched. "Well, what would you like for breakfast?"

He slipped past the blonde, pausing to place a quick kiss on his lips. Cloud frowned down at the rug, shook his head, and followed his older lover into the kitchen. "Pancakes?"

As he slid into his seat at the kitchen table, he made a mental note to show Sephiroth what a rug rat was after breakfast. But as for the man's confusion—he'd keep that to himself and save him the relentless teasing from Zack.

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><p><strong>Clearly, I do not own the Rugrats. Though it was my favorite cartoon when I was little.<strong>


	2. I Can Do Better

**This is my first attempt at Clack. I've thought about, typed out opening paragraphs, but never anything that could actually be considered a story.**

**And, despite how lame/sappy it kind of is, I really like how it turned out. Enjoy~**

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><p><strong>I Can Do Better<strong>

**- CZ -**

"You know," Zack started slowly, hanging upside down from the tree branch his best friend Cloud was perched on. "Anything you can do, I could do better."

Cloud peeked over the book he was reading, one eyebrow arched high. "Not true." he laughed, shaking his head.

Zack pulled himself up onto the branch, straddling it and planting one hand between the blonde's legs. He grinned and leaned closer. "Want to bet on it?" he asked with a smirk.

The cadet blinked at his best friend, leaning back against the trunk of the tree and hiding his blush behind his book. He'd never admit it, but he had one hell of a crush on his closest—and _only_—friend. "No." he answered, frowning.

"Scared little chocobo?" the teen mocked, making clucking noises.

"Fine." Cloud sighed, closing the book and shoving it into his bag. "What's the bet?"

Zack punched the air, cheering loudly. He rubbed his chin and scanned their surroundings; they were outside in one of Shinra's many courtyards—trees, trees, benches, and grass. He grinned slyly, turning back to his friend. "A race." he claimed, then pointed to a cluster of shady trees on the other side of the large courtyard. "From this tree, to the ones over there."

"That's not fair, though. You have mako. I don't." Cloud pointed out, crossing his arms.

The SOLDIER thought about this, tapping the bark below them. He snapped his fingers, an excited smile on his face. "I'll give you a ten second head start." he offered. "What do you say?"

Cloud debated this for a moment, staring across the courtyard. He finally nodded and started to slide down off of the branch. "Alright. What's the bet?"

Zack jumped down after him, stretching his arms above his head. "If you win, I'll…" He tapped his chin, then waved his hand around. "I'll get you a set of mastered materia."

"And if _you_ win?"

"You let me set you up with a friend." Zack quickly replied, a devious grin on his face.

Cloud frowned; he _hated_ being set up on blind dates. But he did like the idea of owning some materia of his own… He nodded and dropped his bag to the ground, sticking his hand out. "You're on."

They shook on it.

Of course, Cloud lost. By a lot. Zack had gotten to the tree before the cadet had even gotten halfway there. He flopped down on the grass next to his best friend with a sigh, staring up into the leafy canvas above them. "So," he panted. "Who's this friend?"

Zack didn't answer. Cloud opened his mouth to repeat the question, but stopped. Because Zack had climbed on top of him, straddled his hips, and was staring down at Cloud with an intense look in his violet eyes. Cloud felt his breath catch in his throat, and he stared in wide-eyed surprise up at his best friend.

"Z-Zack?" he squeaked.

Again, no answer. The raven-haired teen smiled at his best friend, then leaned down and placed a tender kiss on Cloud's lips. For a moment, Cloud was motionless—and completely _shocked_—but he was over it quickly and kissing back, threading his fingers into Zack's hair. As soon as they pulled apart, Zack grinned at him.

"So, Saturday night?" he asked nervously.

Cloud yanked him back down into another kiss. If anything he did, Zack did do better, he was perfectly fine with it—as long as it always ended like _this_.


	3. Addicted

**Seph does feel like the type that could easily get addicted to gambling. It's not hard to do, that's for sure.**

**I went by the gambling laws in the USA for this, which makes Cloud 18.**

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><p><strong>Addicted<strong>

**- ASGZC -**

"Seph, maybe you should stop now." Angeal commented, watching as the General more gil into the machine.

Flashing lights and various tunes jingled throughout the crowded casino room of the Golden Saucer. Slot machines had been added a mere month earlier, but they had held off until Cloud was old enough to go. Angeal had thought that the trip would be a great break from work—and a great chance for the five to spend time together. But now, as they stood behind Sephiroth, watching him slide bill after bill into the slot machine, Angeal had a feeling he had misjudged his silver-haired lover's ability to handle his money. The man had been sitting there, in front of that exact machine for an _hour_.

"No," Sephiroth hissed, gripping the edges of the slot machine and whirling around to stare at Angeal with wide eyes. "I like this."

"It's not paying out." Zack pointed out, rolling his eyes.

"It might." Sephiroth retorted, eyes narrowing slightly.

"Seph, fucking cash out so we can go." Genesis groaned, pulling on the General's hair.

"Just one more spin."

The three turned from Sephiroth to Cloud—who was spinning in the chair next to him—and waited for the blonde to offer some idea to pull their lover away from the casino. Cloud shrugged his shoulders and spun the chair around. They sighed and slid into chairs on either side of the two, leaning against the machines and generally being _bored_ because Sephiroth simply refused to leave. Angeal watched as Sephiroth hit the repeat spin button over and over, shaking his head slightly every time the man cursed under his breath when the machine paid out absolutely _nothing_.

Genesis climbed to his feet and stalked over to the General, crouching down slightly and wrapping his arms around the man's neck, one hand on his chest. "If you cash out and leave now, I'll let you do that thing you've _always_ wanted to do." he purred into Sephiroth's ear.

Sephiroth didn't even bat an eyelash. He pushed the button again and watched the reels spin by.

"Asshole." the redhead grumbled, releasing him and crossing his arms.

"Seph, I'm bored." Cloud finally whined, pulling on the General's shirt sleeve. "Can we go?"

"Soon, baby." Sephiroth quickly replied, hitting the button again.

Genesis shook his head slowly and rolled his eyes. "Seph, it's not going to pay—"

A loud victorious tune started blasting from the machine and Genesis stopped short. And all four of Sephiroth's lovers watched in a mixture of awe and confusion as the word "Jackpot" started flashing across the screen. And then the number showing what Sephiroth had won skyrocketed—1,000 passed, then 2,000, and within minutes, it was already up to 100,000. It finally slowed to a stop at 500,000. Sephiroth hit the cash out button, took his ticket, and climbed to his feet.

He turned to his awestruck lovers and blinked at the looks on their faces. "Shall we go?"

And with that, he walked right past his four lovers. They turned to cast one look at the machine, then rushed after him—Cloud babbling about how he really wanted ice cream, Zack seconding that, and Angeal suggesting Sephiroth put the money away for safe keeping.

And all Genesis had to say was, "Thank the goddess. I _really_ have to piss."

Angeal shook his head; sure, Sephiroth had finally won something. But the man clearly had a gambling problem. He made a mental note not to take them to the Golden Saucer again—and if he did, he'd have to make sure that Sephiroth didn't get within twenty feet of the slot machines.


	4. Banned

**Those of you that have read a lot of my stories will probably recognize this "idea" from the Welcome to the Neighborhood series (specifically Dating Your Neighbors), as well as Gone Fishing.**

**I had this finished about a week ago, but I wanted to wait until Dating Your Neighbors was up to post it.**

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><p><strong>Banned<strong>

**-ASGZC-**

Zack looked one way, then the other. He was surrounded by crowds of small children and foreigners speaking what could only be called gibberish—not much of a surprise; Midgar's zoo was internationally famous for its exotic creatures. And currently, SOLDIER Zack Fair was standing in front of the wooden fence keeping people out of the slope leading down into one of the exhibits. And he was unaccompanied by his four lovers. The group closest to him started to walk away, and he cast another look around.

And then, smiling widely, he climbed over the fence and started down the slope.

Not a day had gone by since they'd last gone to the zoo six months ago, that he hadn't wanted to do this.

He was going to climb on top one of those so-called giraffes, and ride it like a chocobo. And nothing was going to stop him because the only people capable of it weren't around. Sure, it had taken a lot of effort to escape the watchful gaze of Angeal, and he felt a little bad for leaving Cloud at the tiger exhibit. But this—_this_ was important. This would complete his life. After do this, he could literally _die_ happy. A man yelled over the fence, demanding he get back up on the walkway.

He laughed and rushed for the nearest long-legged beast.

It blinked down at him through thick eyelashed eyes. He smiled back up at it. And then he stepped closer and hugged its leg. It munched on a leaf and just stood there.

Giraffes were fucking awesome.

"Sir, please get back up here immediately!" a man hollered at him frantically from the walkway.

Zack—arms still wrapped around the bony leg—turned his head and regarded the man with a raised eyebrow. "Or what?" he called, curious.

"We will have to forcefully remove you from the zoo!" the man shouted, face turning red in anger.

Zack laughed and climbed up the giraffe's side like a monkey—and if the creature gave a fuck, it certainly did not show it. Wrapping one arm around the neck tightly, he waved at the people standing on the walkway. The giraffe reached for another leaf, then started to walk across the exhibit with its human luggage.

"_Sir_, get off of the giraffe!" a woman started shrieking in an authoritative voice.

The SOLDIER laughed happily, nuzzling his face into the long neck. Giraffes were _fucking awesome_.

Cloud tugged on Sephiroth and Angeal's hands, dragging them towards the giraffe exhibit. He loved giraffes; they were tall, skinny, and had beautiful eyes. And like hell they were leaving to find Zack before he got to see the majestic beasts. As they neared the enclosure, the crowd grew thicker and he frowned. He was short. He couldn't see _anything_. He gave Sephiroth a pitiful pout and—rolling his eyes—the General scooped him up and sat him on his shoulders.

"Why are there so many people—Oh. My. Fucking. _Shit_." Genesis stopped short at the fence, arms dangling at his side. He whirled around, pointing frantically into the enclosure. "_Zackary_'s on a fucking giraffe!"

"What?" Angeal and Sephiroth chorused, shoving people out of the way to get a closer look.

Zack was indeed still atop his giraffe companion, cheering and waving at people. He was like Odin thundering around on Sleipnir—only it was a Shinra _SOLDIER_ on a damn _giraffe_. The zoo workers were eying the group suspiciously, and Cloud started to panic.

"Oh gods, what do we do?" he squeaked, pulling on Sephiroth's hair.

"Zackary fuckin' Fair, get the hell off of that giraffe!" Sephiroth roared, gripping the wooden fence and leaning forward.

"Sir, do you know this man?" a woman asked, stomping up to them, hands on hips.

"He is our boyfriend." Angeal explained, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"And he's going to be dead meat." Genesis growled from next to Sephiroth. "Zack!"

"Hey guys!" Zack bellowed, waving. "Look, I'm on a giraffe!"

"He needs to get down from there." the woman snapped, crossing her arms. "He's already broken _multiple_ rules, and as such, will be banned from the zoo."

"Banned?" Cloud repeated, frowning down at her. "Like, we're not allowed in anymore?"

"Exactly." she hissed like a snake.

The blonde glared at her, then started screaming at the top of his lungs. "Zack, you asshole! We're getting banned from the zoo and it's all _your _fault!"

People were staring now—not that they could be blamed; _the_ General Sephiroth was standing in the zoo with a blonde cadet on his shoulders and two SOLDIER 1st classes, and they were all screaming at another SOLDIER to get off of a giraffe. It was probably the most interesting thing they'd ever see in their entire lives. Genesis started to climb over over the fence and Sephiroth picked Cloud up off of his shoulders and passed him over to Angeal.

"Sir, you can't—"

"Listen, bitch," Sephiroth snapped, whirling on the zoo worker and towering over her. "If _you_ want him down, _we_ have to go get him."

And with that, he hopped over the fence and rushed down into the exhibit with Genesis. They stormed up to the giraffe, and glared at Zack. The giraffe blinked down at them, chewing on a leaf. They stared back.

Zack smiled at them. "Aren't giraffes fucking _awesome_?"

"Zackary, get down here." Sephiroth ordered, pointing to the ground. "_Now_."

The teen sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine." he muttered. He shifted his weight, looked over the side of the giraffe, and bit his lip. "Uh, Seph?"

"What?"

"…I think I'm stuck."

"_What_?" Genesis asked, frowning up at him. "What the hell do you mean '_stuck_'?"

"I'm scared." Zack whined, looking at the ground again. That was a _long_ drop.

"Jump." Sephiroth suggested, holding out his arms.

"Hell no!" Zack cried, clinging to the giraffe's neck.

"I'll catch you." the General sighed, rolling his eyes. "Just jump."

So—with more than a little hesitation—Zack jumped off of the giraffe. Sephiroth easily caught him, then practically threw him to the ground and glared at him. He turned to smile sheepishly at Genesis, but the redhead's glare was more of a death promise and his face dropped. Oh, he was in deep shit.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Genesis screamed at him, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him to his feet. "Do you know you got us banned from the fucking _zoo_?"

"No?" Zack tried, rubbing the back of his head.

Sephiroth scooped him up and started marching back out of the exhibit, the teen flailing the whole way and complaining about how his legs worked and he could walk on his own. His face reddened when he realized the General was _trying_ to embarrass him. By the time they got back up to the fence, more than a few people were trying to cover up their laughter with measly faked coughs. Sephiroth set the teen down on the other side of the fence and climbed over, keeping a firm grip on his arm.

And Cloud promptly kicked Zack in the shin as hard as he could. "That's for getting us banned from the zoo, _dickbag_."

Really, Zack didn't care. Sure, everyone was pissed at him. Sure, he was mocked by a three year old as they were escorted from the zoo. And sure, Angeal was frowning at him.

But Zack Fair had done something epic.

Zack Fair had ridden a damn _giraffe_.

So he really could not give a fuck what everyone else had to say.

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><p><strong>Nice, Zack. Nice.<strong>

**And _that_ is why they're not allowed in the zoo anymore. Leave me a review?**


	5. Astraphobia

**I wanted to get something up, since Hurricane Irene's just all over the place and taking the east coast by storm.**

**And we had a thunderstorm today, so ta-da.**

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><p><strong>Astraphobia<strong>

**- SC -**

Lightning lit up the small apartment with a blinding flash, followed by a roll of thunder. Another followed, and Sephiroth clenched his eyes shut, shuffling further down under his blanket carefully, determined not to disturb his bed partner. His younger lover turned restlessly, curling into his chest and nuzzling his neck just as thunder echoed throughout the apartment once again. Sephiroth sighed, closed his eyes, and pulled Cloud closer.

He was afraid of thunder.

It was a fear he didn't quite understand—and one he struggled to keep to himself. In the entire year and a half he had been with the blonde cadet, he had managed to excuse himself during every major storm, telling him that he wasn't feeling well. It worried Cloud—and made Sephiroth generally uncomfortable because he was lying—but he wasn't sure what else to do. He wanted to protect the blonde. How could he even try to play up to the part if he was afraid of _noise_? But even if he wasn't the bravest, wouldn't Cloud still love him? Honestly, he worried more about that. When he reopened his eyes, Cloud was staring right at him.

"Did I wake you?" he whispered with a frown.

Cloud shook his head slowly, and just stared, his brow furrowed in thought. He leaned forward and kissed the General on the lips, then flopped back down and pressed the side of his head against the man's bare chest.

"What are you—"

"Shh!" Cloud shushed him, slapping his side gently.

Sephiroth blinked down at the blonde spikes confusion. Thunder clashed again and he involuntarily tensed, clenching his eyes shut for a moment.

And as Cloud raised his bright blue eyes back to him, Sephiroth realized his boyfriend had been listening to his heartbeat.

And he _knew_.

"You're afraid of thunder." Cloud said. It was more of a confirmation than a question.

Sephiroth hesitated to answer, holding a small amount of hope that his boyfriend would leave it at that. But the determined look on Cloud's face said otherwise and he released his breath in a sigh. "Yes."

"Since when?" the cadet asked, lying down once again, his arm folded under the side of his head so he could watch the General.

"I… don't know." Sephiroth replied, shrugging one shoulder. "For as long as I can remember."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

For a long moment, Sephiroth was silent, examining the disappointed look on Cloud's face. "I thought you'd think I couldn't protect you." he answered honestly, his voice quiet.

And then Cloud snorted and shoved the man away from him, pushing him onto his back and climbing on top of him. He sat there, smiling down at the confused General, and dragged his fingers over every curve of Sephiroth's face.

And then he slapped him.

"What the hell was that for?" Sephiroth yelped, clutching the side of his face, eyes wide.

"You're such an idiot." Cloud hissed through the dark. "You really think I'd care?" Sephiroth opened his mouth to reply, but a pointed glare from the teen shut him up. "For fuck's sake, Seph, I'm afraid of the dark—I'm practically afraid of my own _shadow_!" He lowered his voice and leaned down, pressing a kiss to the man's forehead. "I don't need a hero. I need _you_."

With that, Cloud shuffled around, twisted and turned, and finally ended up laying halfway across Sephiroth's chest, his head tucked under the man's chin, and perfectly content to ride out the rest of the storm with him. He told Sephiroth a silly joke after every roll of thunder, poked his sides with every flash of lightning, and by the time the storm finally ended, the General was asleep. Cloud shook his head, kissed Sephiroth on the lips, and settled himself in to sleep, a smile on his face. Because really, why would he need a hero when he had Sephiroth?

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><p><strong>To everyone in Hurricane Irene's path: stay safe.<strong>

**I personally am directly in the path, and we're expect to lose power for awhile. I wanted to get something up, just in case that happens.**

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


	6. Is Your Refrigerator Running?

**For anyone who may have been worried, don't worry. I'm okay. We only lost power for a little while (nothing compared to some people). I've just been tired/a slacker/trying to make this story longer and failing. I have ideas; I just haven't liked anything I've written.**

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><p><strong>Is Your Refrigerator Running?<strong>

**- ASGCZ -**

Sephiroth most definitely got the strangest phone calls.

And it was as he was standing at his kitchen stove, awkwardly stirring a pot of bubbling _something_ (Because he honestly was not the cook of the apartment; that was Angeal and Angeal was working. That isn't to say he should have been cooking in the first place, however.) while heavily medicated from a visit to the labs that he received yet another one. They were always the same: he was asked some incredibly odd question that made little to no sense whatsoever, and upon giving an answer, the person laughed. Loudly. And utterly obnoxiously.

He had no idea why.

He stared at the phone for a long moment, one eyebrow arched high as the handheld device vibrated loudly across his kitchen counter. He scooped it up, flipped it open, and held it up to his ear. "Yes?"

"General Sephiroth?"

The voice was so familiar, yet he couldn't quite put his finger on who it was. Brow furrowed in confusion, he slowly stirred the pot of bubbling goo. "Yes."

"This is, uh…" There was a brief pause, during which Sephiroth could hear the mouth piece being covered up and another voice squeaking a repetitive "hang up!". "This is Seymour Butts with the Shinra Refrigerator Investigation Authority."

Sephiroth paused in his stirring, face twisted in confusion. "The SFIA? I have never heard of it. Is this a new branch?"

"Uh, yes? Anyway—_Shh_, he'll hear you—sir, is your refrigerator running?" the man asked, shushing someone. Sephiroth could clearly hear a yelp of pain and the sound of someone being slapped.

"Of course it is." he answered, turning to give the refrigerator a curious look.

"Well, you'd better go catch it!" The man burst into laughter and someone else groaned.

Sephiroth laughed hesitantly, completely fucking confused.

"Mr. Butts?" the General ventured, cautiously eying the large metal door of his fridge. "What do you mean? Are refrigerators malfunctioning?"

The laughing came to an abrupt stop, quickly followed by a sigh. "Oh, come_ on_. Are you serious?" the man asked incredulously. "Cloud, he's totally confused."

Sephiroth blinked once. Then twice. Then slammed his hand down onto his counter. "What the hell do you want with Cloud?" he hissed into the phone lowly. "I swear, if you lay one finger on him, you will not have just me to deal with—"

"Seph!" the man yelped frantically, cutting him off. "Relax! It's Zack, Seph!"

"Give the phone to Cloud, then." he growled, grinding his teeth together.

Because if there was one thing Sephiroth didn't stand for, it was people taking what belonged to him—and Cloud most definitely belonged to him. As did Genesis, Angeal, and—sometimes unfortunately—Zack. The phone shifted hands, with a lot of murmuring, muttering, and arguing, and finally, Cloud held the phone up to his ear. "H-Hi Seph."

And just like that, the General's mood turned from bad to good, and he climbed onto the counter, sitting on the edge and kicking his feet back and forth. "Hello, Cloud. What are you up to?"

"Just hanging out at Zack's." Cloud explained nervously. "Um, listen, I told him to hang up, but—"

"Oh, Cloud, is Mr. Butts still there?" Sephiroth interrupted suddenly, blatantly ignoring the pot boiling over on the stove top. "He said something about my refrigerator running and I—"

"That was just a joke, Seph." the blonde replied, swatting away Zack's hands. "There isn't a Seymour Butts. Or a Shinra whatever Zack said."

"Refrigeration Investigation Agency!" Zack whined loudly.

"You mean—" Sephiroth paused, thinking it over.

And then he burst into laughter, falling off of the edge of the counter and letting himself slam into the floor as he finally understood the entirety of the prank. Cloud slowly joined in, not quite understanding exactly what was so funny—and Zack's guffaws could actually be heard in Sephiroth's apartment, without the use of a phone. Zack had been prank calling him for six months. Six months, and they'd always assumed Sephiroth was either playing along, or just really gullible.

But evidently he was extremely _clueless_.

And both Zack and Sephiroth were in deep trouble when the apartment was set on fire due to the distraction. Angeal lectured them for hours, yelling at Zack for pranking the General, and reminding Sephiroth he wasn't allowed to cook in the first place. By the time the "Do you understand me?" came around, the only reply he got from Sephiroth really had no relation to the lecture.

"Angeal, is your refrigerator running?"

And the man pinched the bridge of his throat, heaved a deep sigh, and shook his head. "_No_, Sephiroth. The refrigerator is _not_ running. The refrigerator got burnt to a _crisp_." he answered through clenched teeth. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

Sephiroth nodded slowly, a frown on his face. "Do you know a man named Seymour Butts? He's from the Shinra Refrigerator Investigation Agency. I believe he has something to say about our refrigerator.

There was a collective sigh from each of his four lovers. Zack patted him on the back. "We'll work on it, Seph."

"Work on what?" the General asked, confused.

"…Nevermind." Zack muttered, hanging his head in defeat.

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><p><strong>Poor clueless Sephiroth.<strong>

**By the way! I gave ShadesofImagination an idea I had started on and really couldn't figure out where I wanted it to go. You should go read it. It's called Of Goats and Chickens.**


	7. Heast You

**So today, I realized that I make some strange typos. While talking to ShadesofImagination, I attempted to type "heart". Yeah, I totally typed "heast" at first. I then decided that "heast" is a sexual term. And was told I should give it a definition and have Zack use it.**

**So I did.**

**And it made me gigglesnort. So I'm posting it here.**

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><p><strong>Heast You<strong>

**- CZ -**

"I want to heast you." Zack murmured into Cloud's ear, kissing the blonde's temple and wrapping his arms around his waist.

"You want to—" Cloud paused, brow furrowed in confusion. He twisted around to give his boyfriend a completely dumbstruck look. "You want to _what_ me?"

"Heast." Zack repeated, cocking an eyebrow. He gestured vaguely around the living room with one hand. "You know, heast? I want to fuck you."

"Uh." Cloud nodded slowly, then stopped and shook his head. "I have never heard that word, Zack. Ever."

"Well, I should hope not." the teen replied, then licked Cloud's cheek. "I just made it up."

"You're such a moron." Cloud giggled, wrapping his arms around Zack's neck. "And I want to heast you, too."

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><p><strong>Ha. Heast.<strong>

**I should use my typos as prompts more often.**


	8. Inked

**This took me a week to write, just because I hated it and wasn't going to bother finishing it. But that came when I was like, two sentences from done. So I sucked it up, tacked on an ending, and decided it fits in with the rest of these almost-didn't-make-it stories.**

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><p><strong>Inked<strong>

- **ASGCZ** -

Dinner at Angeal's was… an interesting affair. They all crowded around the little round table in the kitchen (or piled onto the couch with their plates), argued, laughed, and talked about their day. They never had dinner anywhere else. Ever. Angeal was an amazing cook and did his best to ensure everyone got exactly what they wanted. Zack hated vegetables, so he never got them. Sephiroth hated spaghettii, and Genesis hated chicken. They never got what they didn't like to eat. Cloud, on the other hand, ate anything put in front of him without a complaint (though his lovers suspected he only did it to be polite).

Zack slouched over his plate, barely keeping his eyes open; he'd been on a mission the entire day and was dead fucking tired. Across from him, Sephiroth and Genesis idly chatted about the new recruits while Angeal rubbed the tired raven-haired teen on the back and asked if he wanted to go to sleep.

And Cloud sat between Sephiroth and Zack, awkwardly poking at his mashed potatoes. He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. "I got a tattoo today." he declared quietly, eyes glued to his plate.

Complete silence.

He could feel everyone staring at him—including Zack.

"You fucking _what_?" Genesis asked, jaw dropping.

"Got a tat—"

"Don't _repeat_ it!" Angeal interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You did not." Sephiroth commented, standing up and slamming his hands down on the table. Four gazes turned to him and he narrowed his eyes at Cloud. "_Where_?"

Blushing, Cloud climbed to his feet—feeling like a small child next to his towering, angry looking boyfriend—and peeled his shirt off. He turned around and crossed his arms, afraid they'd immediately tell him he was getting it removed. Sephiroth was still for a moment, and then his fingers were ghosting the still-sore skin. The blonde twisted and looked up at him, cocking an eyebrow.

"You got _wings_?" Zack squealed—much like a little girl—and jumped out of his chair. "Oh my _gods_. Can I get one, 'Geal?"

"Absolutely not." Angeal and Genesis chorused.

"Did it hurt?" Sephiroth questioned, leaning closer and examining the inked skin.

"Sort of." Cloud replied, shrugging one shoulder. He bit his lip and turned to face the man, pouting up at him. "Can I keep it?" He half-turned to Angeal and Genesis. "…Or are you going to make me get rid of it?"

Angeal and Sephiroth exchanged glances, then turned to Genesis. The redhead shrugged, and with a sigh, Angeal rubbed his temples and nodded. "You can keep it—but no more, understand?"

"…So can I get one?" Zack asked again, prodding Cloud's back.

"_No_." Angeal snapped, gesturing towards the teen's plate in an attempt to return dinner to normal—or, as normal as it usually was.

He muttered a swear under his breath and sat back down, angrily prodding his food. "Just wanted my own wings."

Giving Cloud's tattoo one more criticizing look, Sephiroth sank back into his seat and picked at what was left on his plate. They settled back into their dinnertime silence—or semi-silence, really, because Zack was determined to convince Angeal to let him get a tattoo. That is, until Cloud once again cleared his throat. Four pairs of eyes jerked to him immediately.

"I, uh… got a piercing, too." he said sheepishly, offering a small smile.

Sephiroth dropped his fork. "You _what_? Where?"

Cloud shrugged, meeting the General's gaze. "You'll find out. Eventually."

It was then that Genesis choked on his food, spit it out on his plate, and bolted to his feet. "Cloud Strife you did _not_ get your dick pierced!" he roared, slamming his hands down on the table.

Cloud's jaw dropped, Angeal turned red, Zack burst into laughter, and Sephiroth looked completely dumbfounded.

And then the color drained from the General's face, and he looked positively horrified. "They do that?" he gasped. He turned back to Cloud and grabbed at his pants. "_Why_ would you get that done?"

The cadet whacked at the man's invading hands, yelping in dismay and embarrassment. Finally, he shoved himself off of his chair and glared up at Sephiroth from the kitchen floor, his face bright red. He shoved his hair behind his ear and pointed at it. "I got my ear pierced! My _ear_! Why the fuck would I get _that_ pierced?"

Genesis raised an eyebrow and waved his hand around. "Well, he sounded like he was being seductive or some shit. Not _my_ fault." he growled, sinking back into his seat.

"No more." Angeal interrupted, running a hand over his hair. "That includes you, Zack."

"_Fine_." Zack sighed, slamming his face down onto the table. "You guys are assholes."

"We love you, too, bitch." Genesis shot back sweetly.

Cloud refrained from telling them he'd also gotten a second tattoo—a simple star right over his ankle. He figured they'd find out about it sooner or later anyway. He picked up his fork and carved paths through his mashed potatoes, drowning out the odd stare he got from Sephiroth every few minutes and the argument erupting between Genesis and Zack. Every dinner, they argued over ceiling fans—yes, ceiling fans. Zack wanted them all on, and Genesis wanted them all off. He shrugged one shoulder and shoved a forkful of mashed potato into his mouth. His lovers were weird.

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><p><strong>My family is kind of like this at dinner—minus the piercing and tattoo announcement. We have had numerous spills, strange arguments, and my dad's eye falls out sometimes (IT'S A FAKE EYE, BEFORE YOU GO "WTF"). And there was that time that my brother hit my father with a loaf of Italian bread and said "I challenge you to a duel". The sad part is my family is all adults.<strong>

**Anyhow, hope you enjoyed it. And hopefully I can write something substantial sooner or later.**


	9. Forgetting a Life

**First of all... Hello everyone. I hope you're all doing well this holiday season. Secondly, I'd like to say that this isn't my usual light-hearted humor, and I haven't written anything in about 3 months. Also, I am not dead. Enjoy.**

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><p><strong>Forgetting a Life<strong>

**- CS -**

The day that Sephiroth forgot his cell phone on the coffee table in his living room, would be the day that started a landslide of problems and a whirlwind of emotions that slowly tore apart both his, and his boyfriend Cloud's, lives.

Cloud just stood there, dark blue toothbrush clenched between his teeth, with his lips turned down in a frown. He glanced over his shoulder, ensured that Sephiroths keys were indeed gone, then frowned a little more. He shifted his weight slightly and put one hand on his hip while the other traveled back to his toothbrush handle. After a few more moments of quiet brushing and staring at the silver device, he turned and slowly returned to the bathroom, shrugging his shoulders. But as he dressed for class, and rushed out the door of the apartment that he and Sephiroth shared, he couldn't help pausing for a final glance at the phone. He grabbed it off the coffee table, snatched up his bag, and slammed the door shut behind him, ignoring the nagging feeling at the back of his mind.

Sephiroth never forgot anything.

The man's memory was impeccable. Birthdays, holidays, appointments, exact dates and times that missions were started and completed. You name it, he remembered it.

Except his phone, apparently.

Cloud frowned down at it once more, then shook his head and slid it into his pocket. No use making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Unfortunately, that mole hill wouldn't be needing any help.

The next day, Sephiroth forgot his keys. And the day after, he forgot to put his shoes on. Within a week, he was forgetting to set his alarm and the current date. Within two weeks, Cloud was pushing for him to trek down to the labs of Shinra Inc. and get a check up. Sephiroth, of course, profusely refused; he hated Hojo, the labs, and everything related to them. But by the end of the month, the silver-haired General was struggling with even the simplest tasks—brushing his hair, working the shower, and sometimes even walking became a new challenge, no matter how many times he repeated the acts.

So—with Sephiroth moping the entire way—the two went to the labs. Dozens of tests, Sephiroth knocking out an assistant, and Cloud telling Hojo to fuck himself later, and they had an answer.

Cognitive degeneration.

Of course, neither had any idea what the hell that meant, and just stared at Hojo.

The greasy-haired creep rolled his eyes and gestured vaguely. Dementia. Brought on by his frequent mako treatments.

That they understood.

And that sent Cloud and Sephiroth's lives spiraling downwards.

The following months were nothing but emotional turmoil as Cloud watched the once Great General slowly lose his mind and mere sense of existence. For awhile, it was small things; forgetting which room in the hallway was the bedroom, not knowing his own favorite movie, and not immediately recognizing his favorite song. Of course, it got worse. Eventually, he didn't recognize Zack—he didn't know who anyone was.

Including Cloud.

He had dreaded the inevitable and readied himself for it. But the day that Sephiroth had blinked his eyes open, frowned at Cloud, and demanded to know what he was doing there, was the day that ended his life. As he picked his clothes out of the closet—discreetly grabbing one of Sephiroth's own shirts—he couldn't help but cry. He bitterly cursed Hojo and his lackeys, mako, Shinra—anyone and everyone who could possibly have been involved was cursed.

And as he slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way slowly through their living room, he was completely caught off guard by a soft voice calling from the kitchen doorway.

"Where are you going?"

Cloud turned halfway, eyes wide. Sephiroth stood before him, small frown on his face and his eyes utterly confused. The blonde blinked once, twice, and then quietly asked, "What?"

"Where are you going?" Sephiroth repeated, reaching across his chest and gripping his elbow in an act of shyness that he rarely showed. "Is it because I forget things now?"

"You asked who I was." Cloud quietly pointed out, awkwardly shifting his weight.

Thin arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer. Sephiroth rested his chin on the blonde spikes and sighed. "No matter what I say, I will never forget you."

And Cloud cried.

He cried everyday when Sephiroth opened his eyes, and asked him who he was. Then the General would close his eyes, shake his head, and smile widely at Cloud, wishing him a good morning. And just like that, Cloud would smile back, any hint of sadness completely wiped from his mind. He was content to live this way; just being near Sephiroth was enough to make him happy—regardless of the man's poor mental state.

"Will you marry me?"

It was simple. Such a simple statement. It slipped through Sephiroth's lips at dinner—macaroni and cheese on the couch, watching a show that Sephiroth thought he liked (he really didn't, but Cloud didn't want to upset him). He looked at an inked note on the palm of his hand, then dug around in his pocket and withdrew a ring with a triumphant grin, offering it to the blonde.

Cloud, of course, said yes.

Because even if Sephiroth would forget him in the morning, he would remember him by the afternoon. And if he forgot him in the afternoon, he remembered him in the evening. It wasn't easy, but it was sweet. Bittersweet. The way the silver-haired man's face would suddenly dawn with recognition and he'd embrace Cloud like he'd never forgotten.

It was worth it, just to see that everyday.

"I don't know you," Sephiroth started one morning, staring calmly at his bed mate. "But I do know that I love you."

Cloud swallowed hard and offered a small smile. "I love you, too." he answered quietly.

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><p><strong>I know basically absolutely nothing about dementia. I could have poked around about it, yes, but I wrote this last night in about 10 minutes. Naturally, I almost scrapped it. And then I remembered that I made a story on here for the sake of posting my mindless babble stories that almost get trashed. I didn't bother to reread it, so I'm sure when I do later, I'll find all sorts of screw ups. lol<strong>

**I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season, and I wish you all the best. I don't think I'll be back to regularly writing for awhile, so I apologize.**


	10. Vampires

**Holy shit. Bet you guys weren't expecting to hear from me. haha**

**This was written in like, 10 minutes. Excuse the poor storyline, poor writing, and probably spelling mistakes. Don't write a whole lot anymore, unfortunately.**

**Also, Ethel and Eunice return! I'm afraid I didn't make them quite as insane as they are, though. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Vampires<strong>

**- GZC -**

Cloud wasn't exactly sure why he was standing there in Genesis' backyard at 3:30 in the morning, surrounded by half-dead flowerbeds and a lawn that badly needed to be mowed. He wasn't sure why Zack was trying to break his fingers by clutching his hand so tightly. He wasn't sure why he had even agreed to go with his best friend. The teen had been babbling his explanation so quickly, and made such an annoying whining noise that the half-asleep blonde simply couldn't say no.

But he was most definitely _positive_ that Zack was slightly overreacting to the crimson-haired man not answering the front door.

"Zack," Cloud whispered, casting a quick, nervous glance around the dark yard. "Why are we here again?"

"He wouldn't answer the front door!" Zack whined loudly, stomping his foot childishly. Leaves crunched loudly under his boot and Cloud winced, afraid the sound would wake their rather elderly—and slightly insane—neighbors.

"That might be because it's almost 4 in the morning." Cloud hissed, trying to yank his hand free. "You dragged me out of bed for _this_?"

"Genesis!" the raven-haired teen whispered harshly. When he didn't get an answer, he repeated it again, a bit louder. "_Gen_!"

"Zack, you're going to wake—"

"GENESIS!" Zack called loudly, releasing Cloud's hand and cupping his own around his mouth.

"_Zack_—!"

Cloud watched his best friend bend down, pick up a small rock, and hum it at Genesis' window.

And then he just stared at the house, his mouth wide open.

"Zack, you're going to break his window and then he's going to kill us, and—"

"Look, his light's on!"

And look Cloud did. In absolute terror as the window slammed open, and a very tired and grumpy-looking Genesis leaned out.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing?" he hissed down at the two of them. "It's 4 in the _fucking morning_, Zackary Fair."

"Jesus fuck, you are one heavy sleeper, Gen." Zack called back loudly.

Cloud was pretty sure he heard movement at Eunice's house.

Genesis was pretty sure he was about to kill the elder of his two boyfriends.

And Zack was really giddy about waking the dead at 4 in the morning.

"Let us in." Zack whined, pouting up at the redhead.

Genesis snorted, and shook his head. "Absolutely not. Go home.," he said. He promptly withdrew into the room, and a moment later, the lights went out.

Of course, this was Zack's cue to be completely over-dramatic. Cloud could already see the crocodile tears welling up in the teen's eyes, and he sighed warily, watching Eunice's house for the inevitable barking of her little rat dog.

"But above all this, I wish you love…"

Cloud whipped his blue eyes back to his boyfriend, one eyebrow arched high. "Zack, what—"

"**AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOU**!" Zack bellowed in an off-key voice into the early morning air.

Genesis was back at the window in seconds, and screaming down at the both of them. "Go the fuck home before you wake everyone up!"

"I think it's too late for—" Cloud started quietly, frowning as he heard the familiar yipping.

"**I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOU**!"

"Zackary, shut the fuck—"

"—**WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOU**!" Zack continued loudly, clenching his fist and raising it slowly into the air.

"Zack!" Genesis and Cloud snapped in unison. A dog barked in the distance, and Cloud was almost positive he could hear Ethel and Eunice getting out of bed. "You're going to wake them—"

"**I WILL ALWAYS**—"

"For fuck's sake, FINE." Genesis screamed, slamming his hand down onto the vinyl siding below his window. "If you're not at the door by the time I get there, you're going home!"

"—**LOOOOOO**—" Zack stopped himself short and blinked up at the retreating redhead. Then he jumped up and down giddily, grabbed Cloud's hand, and dragged him through the side yard towards the front door.

Cloud sighed and shook his head. Sometimes, he really worried about Zack.

Next door, two little elderly women sat up in their bedroom, and blinked into the darkness.

"Eunice?" Ethel whispered across the room. "Eunice, did you just hear—"

"Whitney Houston?" Eunice continued. She nodded her head slowly. "I did, Eunice. I did."

"Do you think she—" Ethel clutched her blanket closer, and continued in a harsh whisper (which was much more similar to the volume an average person would use to speak), "Do you think she's back?"

"She's dead, Ethel." Eunice snapped, sinking back down into her bed. "People don't come back from the dead!"

Ethel nodded to herself and laid back down, clutching the blanket close. She was positive that was Whitney Houston! Maybe it was a… what did those youngsters call them? Vampires? Right, vampires. Maybe Whitney Houston was a vampire! She paused in thought, then shook her head and rolled over. There was no such thing as vampires.

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><p><strong>Absolutely no disrespect was meant towards Whitney Houston in this. Juuust putting that out there.<strong>

**I've also no clue where the hell the idea came from, but it made me laugh. Leave me a review? :P**


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